“Love is patient; love is kind. Love is not jealous, it does not put on aires, and it is not snobbish; it is never rude or self-seeking; it is not prone to anger, nor does it brood over injuries. Love doesn’t rejoice in what is wrong, but rejoices in truth. There is no limit to love’s forbearance, to its trust, its hope, its power to endure.” - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 13 describe what love looks like when it is healthy and life-giving. Love that is patient and kind creates space where we can be ourselves without fear.
Sadly, not all relationships reflect this kind of love, and many of us fall short. When we consider social wellness from a Christ-centered perspective, we know that it is more than just spending time with friends or being a part of a group. Social wellness is about creating and maintaining healthy, supportive, and respectful relationships and fostering a sense of connection, belonging, and community for the long term. It is about being kind, patient, respectful and loving even when that feels hard to do.
When we are able to create and maintain Christ-filled, loving relationships, all parties are able to grow, heal and thrive. But what happens when we fall short? What happens when we face painful relationship dynamics such as criticism, manipulation, shame or even abuse? What do we do if we have caused physical, emotional or spiritual harm to others, or when we are the recipient of such harm?
First, I want you to know that if you are in a relationship that feels unsafe, you are not alone. Healing and safety often begin by reaching out for help, whether it’s talking to a trusted friend, a counselor, pastor, or a member of a support organization. It is important to remember that no one ever deserves to be hurt or mistreated. Reaching out for help can often be the most difficult and vital step toward safe relationships and healing - it is a step full of love and courage.
As a faith community, we can help by offering listening ears, compassion and connection- not judgment. Safe relationships don’t just happen; they grow and are maintained through trust, respect and care.
Take time to reflect on your relationships this month:
- Which relationships bring you a sense of safety and peace?
- Are there places where you need to set boundaries and seek support?
- How can you offer patience and kindness to others in ways that builds trust?
Social wellness is not about having a perfect life or a large number of connections - it’s about being in relationships where you feel safe, valued and supported. And if you are experiencing harm, there is help and hope. We all deserve to be safe and cared for.
Resources to help strengthen your social wellness:
1) Brené Brown’s work (books, podcast, TED Talks): great for learning how to build trust and deepen relationships.
2) The Gottman Institute (gottman.com): offers free articles and relationship tools for improving communication and conflict resolution in relationships.
3) Good Inside (book, podcast, blog, and parenting app) (goodinside.com): Parenting support from clinical psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy and team.
4) Mindful.org: Guided practices for mindfulness, which can help with empathy, listening and staying grounded during difficult conversations.
Support for those in unsafe relationships:
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1-800-799-7233 or text “START” to 88788 (24/7, confidential).
- Family shelter service of Metropolitan Family Services DuPage: local resource for those experiencing domestic violence. 24-hour hotline: 630-469-5650
- A Safe Place: offers a 24/7 confidential helpline, counseling for teen survivors, legal protection options and education about teen dating violence in Illinois.
My prayer for you this month and in the coming days is for the God of connection to help us listen well, care deeply and build relationships that reflect the love of Jesus Christ. May we feel ready and steady to bring kindness and hope wherever we go, spread the healing message of the Divine Spirit and model the never-ending love of our Lord. Amen.
Congregational wellness manager Alexandra Colaianni is a licensed clinical social worker and the founder of Modern Balance Integrative Therapy in Naperville. In her new role at Our Saviour's, she develops and leads special programs and activities around mental, physical and community wellness.